Joe goes to spring training

In an effort to influence coaches and dispel ugly rumors, Joe Miner reported early to St. Louis Cardinals camp this spring, focused on winning the utility infielder job. "Not many of the players in this camp can calculate their on-base percentage with a slide rule," Joe said, when asked about his chances of making the team. Joe also responded to rumors of steroid use that circulated during the off-season. "I went to great lengths to demonstrate that I was clean last year," said Joe, who didn't hit a single home run in 450 minor league at-bats in 2004. Joe does have an excellent glove, a fact that apparently hasn't escaped Tony La Russa. "He can't hit, but he's also slow," said the Cardinals skipper. If Joe fails to impress this spring, he will be ticketed for another year in the minors, a reality that he has refused to acknowledge. "Failure is not an option," Joe said. "I'm not suited for long bus trips. If I don't fly north with the big league club, I'm packing my bags and going back to my day job at NASA."

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